I need a rap diss! Help me!?

Me & My boyfriend are having a rap battle, he thinks he can rap better than me so were gonna have a little contest., problem is. I cant rap! I need someone to help write a cute, funny, diss about my bf Melvin. Melvin is a year younger than me, says hes a "gangsta",thinks hes the man, hes not tough at all, hes super cute, funny. . . whoever writes this, can u make it cute and throw in some cute nickmanes and stuff like boo, babe, bookie.? Its not supposed to be completley mean! :] Please help!